Things people say when you're learning Chinese

Learning Chinese.

You heard me.

I have been learning Chinese for almost four years now, and it's even part of my College Major (I'm studying English, Chinese and CommunicationPoliticsEconomicsManagementallofthatinonewellkindofokay).

And I have been able to learn what people might tell you or ask you when you say you're learning Chinese. Here is what I hear most often - which is also pretty annoying by the way, I mean I think you got that point.

1) "Oh ! You're learning Chinese ?! CAN YOU SAY SOMETHING IN CHINESE TO ME ?"

   Okay, so first thing first (sorry for using this phrase, really : sorry) : DO I EVER ASK YOU TO SAY SOMETHING IN SPANISH/GERMAN/ITALIAN WHEN YOU TELL ME YOU'RE LEARNING SPANISH/GERMAN/ITALIAN ? No. Well. You get it now.

   Let me explain this one : 

• Firstly, this is embarrassing. I don't like the idea of me speaking in a language I'm still not very used to in front of people who just think I might be a martial arts master or some shit like that. And, yeah, well, already said that but : I don't ask you to speak German or whatever language in front of me. I don't care. I don't need to hear you say "Ich liebe dich" in a poor accent. So you don't need to hear me say "wo ai ni 我愛你" in Chinese.

• Therefore, the only thing I will probably say will be "ni hao 你好", while trying to sound like a native Taiwanese so that you can think I have a really great accent for a European girl who's been learning Chinese for less than 4 years. And, whenever I try to say something a bit more elaborated because I am thinking "well, I should as well make them hear my Chinese language skills", people just react with opening their eyes wide and saying "Wooah no no no, stop, it's already too much for me ! Too weird ! Meh, could never learn that. What a strange language. And maybe you're telling something that doesn't even exist." LIKE WHAT THE HELL ??! Are you f*cking kidding me ? Once, a know-it-all girl asked me to say something in Chinese as she knew I was learning it. So I started with the "ni hao" one because I was really embarrassed but still wanted to satisfy her because, well, it's not that much. And she went : "No, pfff ! That, I know ! I could say more things than only one "Hello" in Chinese ! Tell me a long, complex sentence. Something real. Unless you do not have a great level." I don't even know what to add more to comment on her reaction. But you know what ? This girl was learning SPANISH. Freaking SPANISH. And, damn you girl, because the only things I can say in Spanish are "Hola", "tapas", "buenos dias", "amigo", "paella" and "gambas". And I don't ask you about your freaking Spanish language skills because I'm fine with my own Spanish vocabulary. At least I can make myself clear when I want to order food while speaking Chinese. 請你，我要吃炸雞和薯條。

2) "WHAT IS MY CHINESE NAME ?"

   The answer is rather simple : "I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA". That's it.

   As I've seen in a French humourous video about Chinese people (it was a French guy from Chinese-descent that was talking about clichés he had to deal with), you can at least answer those people who ask you this that their name is Mulan (if it's a girl) or Mushu (if it's a boy). Or just tell them to tching the fuck tchong. Tchang. Dang.

   Or another answer : "Well, I once asked my friend who's studying Latin how to say my name in this language, and he told me it was "LoremIpsumDolorSitAmet". Yours might be "Xiaowangzinihaozaijian" in Chinese. Thanks for passing by. Oh and by the way, as you're studying Spanish, what's my name in Spanish ? I bet it's "QueCalor". Am I right ? 'So good at learning languages. 'Might be gifted."

3) "SO YOU LIKE SMALL PENISES BECAUSE YOU ARE SURELY GOING TO MARRY A CHINESE GUY"

   Just to make that point clear : it is not because I'm learning some language that I'm going to marry a native speaker.

   And to make the other point clear : well. First clear your brain and then come back.

4) "WOULD YOU BE READY TO EAT DOG/CAT MEAT ?"

   Man.

5) One of the most common things adults/friends' parents say : "Wow ! Such a difficult language, but now it's a great thing to learn it, one day, we will all have to learn Chinese. It's important. For economy. Trade. ....." (and so on you get the point)

   The only way I react about this one is like this :

"Wait, I can't just learn Chinese to be able to watch Dramas without French or English subtitles ? Oh shit..."

Well, that was it for this post ! People's minds can be filled with loads of clichés that annoy the sh*t out of Chinese foreign learners, but in the end you're still "that person who can speak (a bit) Chinese". And that's FREAKING COOL !
Let's all eat tapas and some paella.

I might as well do a "When you have a Chinese friend" post because having one can bring a lot of fun to plenty of situations.

再見！
Zaijian !

(-"Pff, I can say that too" - says that know-it-all girl who's learning Spanish)

P.S- : I have nothing against Spanish. Believe me. Plus, I love paella.